The Movie: All American Girls Part One, director unknown.
Recommendation: Porn of the month!
Reason: 70's porn is sometimes a little...daunting.
So...my reviews of porn are going to be pretty short until I see something really spectacular. This one was alright, nicely shot, decent actors, moderate plotting and very little offensive content. It was a little surprising, actually, to see that the 'old' porn was better than the newer stuff. At least in the '70's the 'actresses' didn't look like realdolls.
-154/365 down, 211/365 to go
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
My god, porn is boring.
The Movie: Jenna Haze is The Sexy Lady, directed by someone in porn valley, I think.
Recommendation: Someone else.
Reason: God, I don't even know.
Porn, even hardcore porn, isn't directed at women at all. Ever, really, even when nice folks like Candide Royale really really try. So this little multi-clip package from Jill Kelly Productions is just a run of the mill sex tape. There are six scenes, ranging from unbelievably dull to mind-bogglingly dull to "Why did I ever allow porn as part of this project" dull. After you've seen a bit of your average, vanilla hardcore porn, you've seen it all. Shots of genitalia that go on for minutes at a time, horrible lighting, bad angles and ugly people. I spent more time dissecting the lighting and the camerawork than I did actually watching the movie, because it was making me fall asleep. The only part that was even remotely interesting was one of the attempted actresses' scars from hideously botched plastic surgery. I'd rather watch something trying to be clever, like 'The News Girl' than this exercise in tedium any day.
-120/365 down, 245/365 to go
Recommendation: Someone else.
Reason: God, I don't even know.
Porn, even hardcore porn, isn't directed at women at all. Ever, really, even when nice folks like Candide Royale really really try. So this little multi-clip package from Jill Kelly Productions is just a run of the mill sex tape. There are six scenes, ranging from unbelievably dull to mind-bogglingly dull to "Why did I ever allow porn as part of this project" dull. After you've seen a bit of your average, vanilla hardcore porn, you've seen it all. Shots of genitalia that go on for minutes at a time, horrible lighting, bad angles and ugly people. I spent more time dissecting the lighting and the camerawork than I did actually watching the movie, because it was making me fall asleep. The only part that was even remotely interesting was one of the attempted actresses' scars from hideously botched plastic surgery. I'd rather watch something trying to be clever, like 'The News Girl' than this exercise in tedium any day.
-120/365 down, 245/365 to go
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Sex is a joke in heaven.
The Movie: The News Girl, directed by Jerome Tanner
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: First porn of the year!
Yes, gentle readers, I'm reviewing pornography. It's a movie, it's shot on film or in digital, and it sometimes has a plot, characters. It doesn't necessarily have acting. So yes. I've watched the first porn of the year all the way through, and it was pretty boring. Initially it was a sort of fun thing, as The News Girl is one of those self-aware pornos that tries to break the fourth wall and change up the repetitive annoyance that is 'bouncebouncebouncebounce, switch, try not to look bored, match up your bits" and so on.
There's a thin plot here that's a little meta-the main character is a reporter for not-the-Adult Video News, and she's ostensibly trying to figure out who's been killing pornstars. We first hear of this plot at the beginning of the movie, where it is left as the actors and actresses go about their business of 'doin' it'. There are actually some entertaining moments in the movie, including a brief little montage about the poor, poor stand-in guy.
I don't really know how to go about recommending porn. This one at least had some entertaining moments in it, in between the tedious sex scenes. And it wasn't too godawful to look at, despite the usual bad production values and 'actresses' reading lines off of teleprompters or really big markerboards offscreen.
-107/365 down, 258/365 to go
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: First porn of the year!
Yes, gentle readers, I'm reviewing pornography. It's a movie, it's shot on film or in digital, and it sometimes has a plot, characters. It doesn't necessarily have acting. So yes. I've watched the first porn of the year all the way through, and it was pretty boring. Initially it was a sort of fun thing, as The News Girl is one of those self-aware pornos that tries to break the fourth wall and change up the repetitive annoyance that is 'bouncebouncebouncebounce, switch, try not to look bored, match up your bits" and so on.
There's a thin plot here that's a little meta-the main character is a reporter for not-the-Adult Video News, and she's ostensibly trying to figure out who's been killing pornstars. We first hear of this plot at the beginning of the movie, where it is left as the actors and actresses go about their business of 'doin' it'. There are actually some entertaining moments in the movie, including a brief little montage about the poor, poor stand-in guy.
I don't really know how to go about recommending porn. This one at least had some entertaining moments in it, in between the tedious sex scenes. And it wasn't too godawful to look at, despite the usual bad production values and 'actresses' reading lines off of teleprompters or really big markerboards offscreen.
-107/365 down, 258/365 to go
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