The Movie: Cyclone, directed by Fred Olen Ray
Recommendation: Von Gauzen
Reason: This movie apparently cost someone $2.99. They paid $2 too much.
Cyclone is the sort of movie that needed to be made, if only to give movie fans something to measure other bad movies against. It's about a motorcycle assembled by the guy who starred in Re-Animator, that looks like it was constructed out of cardboard after hours by preschoolers. It stars a Heather Locklear lookalike, and the plot is so connect-the-dots its not even insulting anymore.
The movie looks bad overall. The set design is godawful, apparently following the noveau cardboard box design theory. The stuntwork is amateurish at its absolute peak. The motorcycle riding was even badly done, by a stuntman who reminded me of the hairy guy I saw in the Emma Peel catsuit in an episode of the Avengers. He even had obviously hairy guy forearms, despite playing a woman.
There's not a lot to say about the acting, the plot, or anything else in the movie. Aside from a couple of richly realised explosions and wicked use of head-mounted lasers, there are no redeeming moments in the feature. It sucked, don't watch it, even for $2.99.
-116/365 down, 249/365 to go
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