The Movie: Man of the Year, directed by Barry Levinson
Recommendation: Broomie.
Reason: Broomie had heard that this movie was really funny. We think he was hallucinating again.
Man of the Year sprouts from a popular 'what if' story. What if Bill Maher ran for president? Or Jon Stewart? Or Stephen Colbert? Would they win? Would anyone even vote for them? Gosh that sounds like it would have been a funny movie. Too bad Man of the Year just didn't hit the mark. When it tried to be funny, it wasn't funny enough. When it tried to be thrilling, everyone wondered what the hell happened to the funny. When it went for drama, people thought the funny had come back. The thing was a train wreck, and why? MARKETING.
This movie was marketed as a comedy. Not just any comedy, but a screwball comedy. Like so many other movies that have been sold as something they aren't, Man of the Year was betrayed by the people who were selling it. People went in expecting Jon Stewart-esque sarcasm and soundbites, Bill Maher rants, Stephen Colbert blind patriotism. Man of the Year was none of those things. While it had its solid points, none of them were what the audience was expecting.
And as much as I hate to say this...Robin Williams needs to take a break. He seems to be doing two to four movies a year, with only one or two of them being any good. In fact I'm pretty sure the last time I was really impressed was him was in 2002's Insomnia. I just think he's somehow losing his touch with movies. Maybe he's just looking for a new angle, I'm not sure. I'll keep my fingers crossed for him, I guess.
-122/365 down, 243/265 to go
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Boxes of bullets.
The Movie: Smokin' Aces, directed by Joe Carnahan
Recommendation: The Boy
Reason: "20 minutes of exposition, 80 minutes of awesome."
My brother and I share similar tastes in movies. I've been counting on him to enlighten me as to some of the genres I'm less-than-versed in, the 'boy stuff', such as it is. Not Action or anything silly like that-I know my action movies. Westerns, war movies, that kind of thing. During a discussion about Crank he mentioned Smokin' Aces and how much he'd enjoyed it. It's been a long and involved process since then to see this movie. No less than six attempts to go to it while in theaters, two scuffed up discs when rented, one attempt at working with a bootlegged copy that had such horrible picture quality and finally, this morning, success. I have finally seen Smokin' Aces.
Was it worth the effort? It's like Crank and Ocean's Eleven had a stylish, over-amped action movie kid. A plague of assassins rains down on one complete jackass, while the FBI does their level best to put up an umbrella to protect the prick long enough to get his testimony and shatter La Cosa Nostra. Yeah, it's as wacky as it sounds. And the boy was right. I even timed it. It's twenty minutes of exposition, introducing our players and setting up the action. The premise is laid out plain as day. It's a snappy, efficient way of going about it, and I actually quite liked the opening. The broad-brush hired guns are exactly that-cariactures of the invincible assassins other hapless losers have gone up against in previous movies. Some work (Alicia Keys, not bad at all), some don't (Nestor Carbonell, go back to Hawaii and take Jeremy Pivens with you).
And now...for the action sequences. I feel that this movie had a lot of room and opportunity to crank the action to eleven. I don't know if it was a stylistic or a budget choice, but for some reason the dial only made it to ten. The premise of the movie and the characters involved were ridiculous enough to warrant some serious Con Air level crazy. There could have been sharks or an assassin with trained, murderous madagascar hissing cockroaches, and I wouldn't have blinked. It was that kind of movie. As it was, there were some really great sequences, but there could have been more. The attitude of the film would have justified it.
As an action movie, this one's pretty solid. This isn't some cerebral exercise in metaphor or anything like that. It's just an fun, chainsaw-assassin gleefest that's designed to cater to the average moviegoer's lust for simple characters, lots of bullets and snappy one-liners. And that's okay.
-121/365 down, 244/365 to go
Recommendation: The Boy
Reason: "20 minutes of exposition, 80 minutes of awesome."
My brother and I share similar tastes in movies. I've been counting on him to enlighten me as to some of the genres I'm less-than-versed in, the 'boy stuff', such as it is. Not Action or anything silly like that-I know my action movies. Westerns, war movies, that kind of thing. During a discussion about Crank he mentioned Smokin' Aces and how much he'd enjoyed it. It's been a long and involved process since then to see this movie. No less than six attempts to go to it while in theaters, two scuffed up discs when rented, one attempt at working with a bootlegged copy that had such horrible picture quality and finally, this morning, success. I have finally seen Smokin' Aces.
Was it worth the effort? It's like Crank and Ocean's Eleven had a stylish, over-amped action movie kid. A plague of assassins rains down on one complete jackass, while the FBI does their level best to put up an umbrella to protect the prick long enough to get his testimony and shatter La Cosa Nostra. Yeah, it's as wacky as it sounds. And the boy was right. I even timed it. It's twenty minutes of exposition, introducing our players and setting up the action. The premise is laid out plain as day. It's a snappy, efficient way of going about it, and I actually quite liked the opening. The broad-brush hired guns are exactly that-cariactures of the invincible assassins other hapless losers have gone up against in previous movies. Some work (Alicia Keys, not bad at all), some don't (Nestor Carbonell, go back to Hawaii and take Jeremy Pivens with you).
And now...for the action sequences. I feel that this movie had a lot of room and opportunity to crank the action to eleven. I don't know if it was a stylistic or a budget choice, but for some reason the dial only made it to ten. The premise of the movie and the characters involved were ridiculous enough to warrant some serious Con Air level crazy. There could have been sharks or an assassin with trained, murderous madagascar hissing cockroaches, and I wouldn't have blinked. It was that kind of movie. As it was, there were some really great sequences, but there could have been more. The attitude of the film would have justified it.
As an action movie, this one's pretty solid. This isn't some cerebral exercise in metaphor or anything like that. It's just an fun, chainsaw-assassin gleefest that's designed to cater to the average moviegoer's lust for simple characters, lots of bullets and snappy one-liners. And that's okay.
-121/365 down, 244/365 to go
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
My god, porn is boring.
The Movie: Jenna Haze is The Sexy Lady, directed by someone in porn valley, I think.
Recommendation: Someone else.
Reason: God, I don't even know.
Porn, even hardcore porn, isn't directed at women at all. Ever, really, even when nice folks like Candide Royale really really try. So this little multi-clip package from Jill Kelly Productions is just a run of the mill sex tape. There are six scenes, ranging from unbelievably dull to mind-bogglingly dull to "Why did I ever allow porn as part of this project" dull. After you've seen a bit of your average, vanilla hardcore porn, you've seen it all. Shots of genitalia that go on for minutes at a time, horrible lighting, bad angles and ugly people. I spent more time dissecting the lighting and the camerawork than I did actually watching the movie, because it was making me fall asleep. The only part that was even remotely interesting was one of the attempted actresses' scars from hideously botched plastic surgery. I'd rather watch something trying to be clever, like 'The News Girl' than this exercise in tedium any day.
-120/365 down, 245/365 to go
Recommendation: Someone else.
Reason: God, I don't even know.
Porn, even hardcore porn, isn't directed at women at all. Ever, really, even when nice folks like Candide Royale really really try. So this little multi-clip package from Jill Kelly Productions is just a run of the mill sex tape. There are six scenes, ranging from unbelievably dull to mind-bogglingly dull to "Why did I ever allow porn as part of this project" dull. After you've seen a bit of your average, vanilla hardcore porn, you've seen it all. Shots of genitalia that go on for minutes at a time, horrible lighting, bad angles and ugly people. I spent more time dissecting the lighting and the camerawork than I did actually watching the movie, because it was making me fall asleep. The only part that was even remotely interesting was one of the attempted actresses' scars from hideously botched plastic surgery. I'd rather watch something trying to be clever, like 'The News Girl' than this exercise in tedium any day.
-120/365 down, 245/365 to go
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Dancers are dancers gone retarded.
The Movie: Save the Last Dance, directed by Thomas Carter
Recommendation: The girl side of Gwen.
Reason: Julia Stiles plus dancing. Woot.
This movie is one of those 1990's girly movies that was intended to be fresh and cool, and to take advantage of the MTV generation's love of hip hop, by setting up a white girl as a truly awesome hip hop dancer. Maybe I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance too much, but Julia Stiles really isn't that good. I'd actually call her pedestrian, possibly even bad. I don't know if she has classical training. Don't know if that was actually her on the stage, and I don't really care much if it was or wasn't. Whoever it was wasn't very good, and I pity their choreographer (unless the choreographer had any part of the selection of the dancer).
The plot's predictable, heartwarming in a saccharine sort of way, and does hit a few sweet spots. The acting from the male lead seemed genuine at least, even has he had to deliver such cliched lines as 'I'd like to be a pediatrician. I just really like kids.'. Julia Stiles is one of those actresses who should have just tried harder. She's cute enough to have taken Julia Robert's crown, but as it is it looks like Anna Paquin might snatch up that rising star (I'm not opposed, just so we have that vote on record).
The movie was alright, average teen girl fare without much meat behind it. It could have been better, but it also had the potential to be painfully worse. Thankfully, there was an absence of dancing Spiderman.
-119/365 down, 246/365 to go
Recommendation: The girl side of Gwen.
Reason: Julia Stiles plus dancing. Woot.
This movie is one of those 1990's girly movies that was intended to be fresh and cool, and to take advantage of the MTV generation's love of hip hop, by setting up a white girl as a truly awesome hip hop dancer. Maybe I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance too much, but Julia Stiles really isn't that good. I'd actually call her pedestrian, possibly even bad. I don't know if she has classical training. Don't know if that was actually her on the stage, and I don't really care much if it was or wasn't. Whoever it was wasn't very good, and I pity their choreographer (unless the choreographer had any part of the selection of the dancer).
The plot's predictable, heartwarming in a saccharine sort of way, and does hit a few sweet spots. The acting from the male lead seemed genuine at least, even has he had to deliver such cliched lines as 'I'd like to be a pediatrician. I just really like kids.'. Julia Stiles is one of those actresses who should have just tried harder. She's cute enough to have taken Julia Robert's crown, but as it is it looks like Anna Paquin might snatch up that rising star (I'm not opposed, just so we have that vote on record).
The movie was alright, average teen girl fare without much meat behind it. It could have been better, but it also had the potential to be painfully worse. Thankfully, there was an absence of dancing Spiderman.
-119/365 down, 246/365 to go
Big hat. Fangs.
The Movie: The Thing, directed by John Carpenter
Recommendation: Horror movie fans everywhere.
Reason: A work of paranoia that everyone should see.
The more I see of Carpenter, the more I appreciate him as a true visionary among horror directors. In the 80's, he was making some really interesting, some might say landmark projects. He directed The Thing, The Fog, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China...aside from his slight man-crush on Kurt Russell (which was completely alright, considering the body of work they produced together), he really pushed the envelope. His specialty, perhaps even his fingerprint, is the sense of paranoia that marks his films. Managing a delicate balance between gore and suspicion, he really blew The Thing away.
The sense of fear and helplessness that feeds the terror of the film has been attempted by more than a few sci-fi shows since. The most notable of these would probably be The X-Files, which essentially remade The Thing, sans gore and only an hour long. Chris Carter could hardly have made a better decision-the episode was almost as creepy as this movie was.
When we're speaking of atmosphere, it's rare to mention characters, but Wilford Brimley's Blair completely redeems him for anything cheesy he's done in the past. Far surpassing the already decent effort of Kurt Russell, Brimley himself managed to heighten the fear to new levels. A hesitation here, a glance there...it was really an excellent performance. The Thing surely belongs near the top of the horror heap, for gorehounds and horror fans alike.
-118/365 down, 247/365 to go
Recommendation: Horror movie fans everywhere.
Reason: A work of paranoia that everyone should see.
The more I see of Carpenter, the more I appreciate him as a true visionary among horror directors. In the 80's, he was making some really interesting, some might say landmark projects. He directed The Thing, The Fog, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China...aside from his slight man-crush on Kurt Russell (which was completely alright, considering the body of work they produced together), he really pushed the envelope. His specialty, perhaps even his fingerprint, is the sense of paranoia that marks his films. Managing a delicate balance between gore and suspicion, he really blew The Thing away.
The sense of fear and helplessness that feeds the terror of the film has been attempted by more than a few sci-fi shows since. The most notable of these would probably be The X-Files, which essentially remade The Thing, sans gore and only an hour long. Chris Carter could hardly have made a better decision-the episode was almost as creepy as this movie was.
When we're speaking of atmosphere, it's rare to mention characters, but Wilford Brimley's Blair completely redeems him for anything cheesy he's done in the past. Far surpassing the already decent effort of Kurt Russell, Brimley himself managed to heighten the fear to new levels. A hesitation here, a glance there...it was really an excellent performance. The Thing surely belongs near the top of the horror heap, for gorehounds and horror fans alike.
-118/365 down, 247/365 to go
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Sam Raimi, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?
The Movie: Spiderman 3, directed by Sam Raimi
Recommendation: Spiderman and Spiderman 2
Reason: Spiderman and Spiderman 2, along with X-Men, ushered in a brief period in which comic book based movies didn't completely suck. X3 was deliberately bad, but Sam Raimi stayed on for the third Spiderman, unlike Brian Singer and X-Men. Therefore, logically, Spiderman 3 shouldn't have SUCKED.
Hollywood politics can occasionally make movies great. Alfred Hitchcock tricked studios into carving Psycho into the masterwork it was. Casts shift and shuffle frequently as directors and actors come into conflict, and sometimes for the better. Those same politics can sometimes make movies really really suck. Spiderman 3? Yeah. It REALLY REALLY SUCKED. Between Avi Arad jackhammering Venom into the script, Sam Raimi apparently completely forgetting about a little thing we like to call 'pacing' and Kirsten Dunst apparently earning her paycheck by the minute, there was too much of everything but a good Spiderman story.
There were good things. The visual effects and the camerawork were top notch. I don't think they missed a single beat in making this movie look great. Bryce Dallas Howard and...god help me, Topher Grace, were more than capable in their all-too-brief screentime. Some of the fight choreography was excellent. And that's all she wrote, folks. The good stuff ends there. Notice that I didn't mention Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst or James Franco? Yeah, that's because they were so unbelievably boring that Topher Grace's scene-stealing mug was a welcome break.
Perhaps Maguire and Dunst are getting tired of the franchise (Gee, you think, given all the press they've been getting about it?). Perhaps they want to move on to other things. I say let them. Maguire in particular has done a great job and more than earned his exit. Kirsten Dunst can fall in a hole and die, goddammit. I haven't liked her since 2000, when she knocked "Bring It On" out of the park. Get Bryce on the phone, give her Kirsten Dunst's salary and rewrite everything to have Peter Parker end up with Gwen Stacey. It worked for X-Men, kind of (Storm didn't happen). Possibly, while they're at it, they can get some writers who know how to edit their scripts to a workable film. There were so many scenes in this movie that just shouldn't have been in the final cut, turning what could have possibly been a marginally good addition to the series into a bloated abortion of epic proportions.
Pirates of the Carribean, Shrek 3? You'd better deliver.
-117/365 down, 248/365 to go
Recommendation: Spiderman and Spiderman 2
Reason: Spiderman and Spiderman 2, along with X-Men, ushered in a brief period in which comic book based movies didn't completely suck. X3 was deliberately bad, but Sam Raimi stayed on for the third Spiderman, unlike Brian Singer and X-Men. Therefore, logically, Spiderman 3 shouldn't have SUCKED.
Hollywood politics can occasionally make movies great. Alfred Hitchcock tricked studios into carving Psycho into the masterwork it was. Casts shift and shuffle frequently as directors and actors come into conflict, and sometimes for the better. Those same politics can sometimes make movies really really suck. Spiderman 3? Yeah. It REALLY REALLY SUCKED. Between Avi Arad jackhammering Venom into the script, Sam Raimi apparently completely forgetting about a little thing we like to call 'pacing' and Kirsten Dunst apparently earning her paycheck by the minute, there was too much of everything but a good Spiderman story.
There were good things. The visual effects and the camerawork were top notch. I don't think they missed a single beat in making this movie look great. Bryce Dallas Howard and...god help me, Topher Grace, were more than capable in their all-too-brief screentime. Some of the fight choreography was excellent. And that's all she wrote, folks. The good stuff ends there. Notice that I didn't mention Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst or James Franco? Yeah, that's because they were so unbelievably boring that Topher Grace's scene-stealing mug was a welcome break.
Perhaps Maguire and Dunst are getting tired of the franchise (Gee, you think, given all the press they've been getting about it?). Perhaps they want to move on to other things. I say let them. Maguire in particular has done a great job and more than earned his exit. Kirsten Dunst can fall in a hole and die, goddammit. I haven't liked her since 2000, when she knocked "Bring It On" out of the park. Get Bryce on the phone, give her Kirsten Dunst's salary and rewrite everything to have Peter Parker end up with Gwen Stacey. It worked for X-Men, kind of (Storm didn't happen). Possibly, while they're at it, they can get some writers who know how to edit their scripts to a workable film. There were so many scenes in this movie that just shouldn't have been in the final cut, turning what could have possibly been a marginally good addition to the series into a bloated abortion of epic proportions.
Pirates of the Carribean, Shrek 3? You'd better deliver.
-117/365 down, 248/365 to go
Saturday, May 19, 2007
"Devil Metal" is the best theme song ever.
The Movie: Cyclone, directed by Fred Olen Ray
Recommendation: Von Gauzen
Reason: This movie apparently cost someone $2.99. They paid $2 too much.
Cyclone is the sort of movie that needed to be made, if only to give movie fans something to measure other bad movies against. It's about a motorcycle assembled by the guy who starred in Re-Animator, that looks like it was constructed out of cardboard after hours by preschoolers. It stars a Heather Locklear lookalike, and the plot is so connect-the-dots its not even insulting anymore.
The movie looks bad overall. The set design is godawful, apparently following the noveau cardboard box design theory. The stuntwork is amateurish at its absolute peak. The motorcycle riding was even badly done, by a stuntman who reminded me of the hairy guy I saw in the Emma Peel catsuit in an episode of the Avengers. He even had obviously hairy guy forearms, despite playing a woman.
There's not a lot to say about the acting, the plot, or anything else in the movie. Aside from a couple of richly realised explosions and wicked use of head-mounted lasers, there are no redeeming moments in the feature. It sucked, don't watch it, even for $2.99.
-116/365 down, 249/365 to go
Recommendation: Von Gauzen
Reason: This movie apparently cost someone $2.99. They paid $2 too much.
Cyclone is the sort of movie that needed to be made, if only to give movie fans something to measure other bad movies against. It's about a motorcycle assembled by the guy who starred in Re-Animator, that looks like it was constructed out of cardboard after hours by preschoolers. It stars a Heather Locklear lookalike, and the plot is so connect-the-dots its not even insulting anymore.
The movie looks bad overall. The set design is godawful, apparently following the noveau cardboard box design theory. The stuntwork is amateurish at its absolute peak. The motorcycle riding was even badly done, by a stuntman who reminded me of the hairy guy I saw in the Emma Peel catsuit in an episode of the Avengers. He even had obviously hairy guy forearms, despite playing a woman.
There's not a lot to say about the acting, the plot, or anything else in the movie. Aside from a couple of richly realised explosions and wicked use of head-mounted lasers, there are no redeeming moments in the feature. It sucked, don't watch it, even for $2.99.
-116/365 down, 249/365 to go
Subtitles finally backfired on me.
The Movie: Godzilla: Final Wars, directed by Ryuhei Kitamura
Recommendation: Broomie
Reason: He's a huge Godzilla fan, dating back to apparently watching a lot of the movies when he was a kid. I didn't know that until he brought this home...
The only Godzilla movie I've ever seen was that wretched 1998 bomb starring Matthew Broderick. From what I have been told by Broomie, it was a travesty akin to the mauling Uma Thurman gave to my beloved Emma Peel and Poison Ivy. The basic outline, which I was unfamiliar with when I saw that Americanized 'adaptation', is that a bunch of monsters break free of their prisons and start attacking something, usually Japan. In the case of Final Wars, they were attacking the whole world. They were everywhere! Kaiju assaulting North America, Australia, etc. was pretty cool, even though all of those multinational locations looked oddly like Japan.
It was a neat experience watching a Godzilla movie with a dedicated fan. During moments that were a little confusing to the unwitting, Broomie was glad to provide a bit of basic education. He identified characters like the Mothra Twins and Minzilla, plot devices like the aliens (who are apparently never good, ever), and got a pretty good laugh out of Zilla, aka Monster X.
I have to say I enjoyed this one, not in an "American Beauty" sense, but for the same reasons I've enjoyed movies like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was a fun movie that revelled in what it is, was so completely self-aware that it didn't even need to acknowledge it, and just went for the gold. By the end, monsters punching each other was just good clean fun.
-115/365 down, 250/365 to go
Recommendation: Broomie
Reason: He's a huge Godzilla fan, dating back to apparently watching a lot of the movies when he was a kid. I didn't know that until he brought this home...
The only Godzilla movie I've ever seen was that wretched 1998 bomb starring Matthew Broderick. From what I have been told by Broomie, it was a travesty akin to the mauling Uma Thurman gave to my beloved Emma Peel and Poison Ivy. The basic outline, which I was unfamiliar with when I saw that Americanized 'adaptation', is that a bunch of monsters break free of their prisons and start attacking something, usually Japan. In the case of Final Wars, they were attacking the whole world. They were everywhere! Kaiju assaulting North America, Australia, etc. was pretty cool, even though all of those multinational locations looked oddly like Japan.
It was a neat experience watching a Godzilla movie with a dedicated fan. During moments that were a little confusing to the unwitting, Broomie was glad to provide a bit of basic education. He identified characters like the Mothra Twins and Minzilla, plot devices like the aliens (who are apparently never good, ever), and got a pretty good laugh out of Zilla, aka Monster X.
I have to say I enjoyed this one, not in an "American Beauty" sense, but for the same reasons I've enjoyed movies like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was a fun movie that revelled in what it is, was so completely self-aware that it didn't even need to acknowledge it, and just went for the gold. By the end, monsters punching each other was just good clean fun.
-115/365 down, 250/365 to go
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Post-apocalyptic romance gothic horror western sci-fi anime. Like Firefly with a huge sword.
The Movie: Vampire Hunter D, directed by Toyoo Ashida/Carl Macek
Recommendation: Len
Reason: I have only ever seen a heavily edited, nonsensical version of this movie.
Vampire Hunter D is a pretty well known anime. Possibly almost as well known as Akira, and they reached the USA around the same time. The animation is pretty good, considering what the US was doing with pencils and cels at the time. The voice acting holds up pretty well, though there are some scenes where one pangs for today's CG alteration of lip movements.
As with most anime, there's an extensive library of material that precedes and follows this movie. I've got the sequel to attempt at some point, which is apparently based on the third book. I hope that the sequel improves on the continuity, which was a little iffy in the original.
As a fan of genre-bending action animation, I'm on board with this movie. It's neat, doesn't require huge amounts of thought. There's a big sword and a talking left hand for no apparent reason. Par for the course, I suppose.
-114/365 down, 251/365 to go
Recommendation: Len
Reason: I have only ever seen a heavily edited, nonsensical version of this movie.
Vampire Hunter D is a pretty well known anime. Possibly almost as well known as Akira, and they reached the USA around the same time. The animation is pretty good, considering what the US was doing with pencils and cels at the time. The voice acting holds up pretty well, though there are some scenes where one pangs for today's CG alteration of lip movements.
As with most anime, there's an extensive library of material that precedes and follows this movie. I've got the sequel to attempt at some point, which is apparently based on the third book. I hope that the sequel improves on the continuity, which was a little iffy in the original.
As a fan of genre-bending action animation, I'm on board with this movie. It's neat, doesn't require huge amounts of thought. There's a big sword and a talking left hand for no apparent reason. Par for the course, I suppose.
-114/365 down, 251/365 to go
To the sky!
The Movie: The Rocketeer, directed by John Johnston
Recommendation: Len
Reason: We remember our childhood.
I love pulpy stories. I always have. I especially like pulp adventures with dashing two-fisted heroes in 40's regalia, battling nazis with the power of SCIENCE!!! The Rocketeer's a fond memory along those lines, standing up with Indiana Jones in the hallowed halls of my childhood. Watching it again was refreshing and fun.
Nostalgia aside, The Rocketeer's still a pretty solid movie. It's visually nice to look at, Jennifer Connelly playing no small part in that. It's campy and not very bright, but it's a movie with heart. There's no need for a lot of excessive special effects.
I'm fond of this one, and I think everyone else should be too. It's a light film, nothing too terribly special. It's a bit like Iron Giant. It's just too nice to pass up. (Also...Terry O'Quinn! Everyone watch the last two episodes of Lost! They're gonna be awesome!)
-113/365 down, 252/365 to go.
Recommendation: Len
Reason: We remember our childhood.
I love pulpy stories. I always have. I especially like pulp adventures with dashing two-fisted heroes in 40's regalia, battling nazis with the power of SCIENCE!!! The Rocketeer's a fond memory along those lines, standing up with Indiana Jones in the hallowed halls of my childhood. Watching it again was refreshing and fun.
Nostalgia aside, The Rocketeer's still a pretty solid movie. It's visually nice to look at, Jennifer Connelly playing no small part in that. It's campy and not very bright, but it's a movie with heart. There's no need for a lot of excessive special effects.
I'm fond of this one, and I think everyone else should be too. It's a light film, nothing too terribly special. It's a bit like Iron Giant. It's just too nice to pass up. (Also...Terry O'Quinn! Everyone watch the last two episodes of Lost! They're gonna be awesome!)
-113/365 down, 252/365 to go.
Fade to black. Nickelback.
The Movie: Torque, directed by Joseph Kahn.
Recommendation: Dee
Reason: "You've been watching a lot of racing movies lately."
I don't want to watch any more racing movies for a little while. Torque and 2 Fast 2 Furious are robbing me of my intellect. If I see Tokyo Drift, I might decide that Larry the Cable Guy is funny or something. Torque had a few moments from which entertainment could be gleaned-a race across the top of a moving train, for instance-and some really creative work with cameras and reflections. It's just that there was also dialogue and a plot that was speculative at best.
Movies like Torque are simple, and are designed to stay that way. There's a hero, the heroes entourage and the villain and the villain's entourage. There were slim pickings for a likeable character in this movie. I eventually settled on Jaime Pressley's badly-acted-but-at-least-marginally-attractive crazy girlfriend of the villain. She had some interesting tattoos.
Ultimately, I thought Torque was pretty forgettable. Good action sequences, novel use of the reflective surface of a knife, but no substance and very little in the way of redeeming features. I mean, it ended on a Nickelback song.
-112/365 down, 253/265 to go
Recommendation: Dee
Reason: "You've been watching a lot of racing movies lately."
I don't want to watch any more racing movies for a little while. Torque and 2 Fast 2 Furious are robbing me of my intellect. If I see Tokyo Drift, I might decide that Larry the Cable Guy is funny or something. Torque had a few moments from which entertainment could be gleaned-a race across the top of a moving train, for instance-and some really creative work with cameras and reflections. It's just that there was also dialogue and a plot that was speculative at best.
Movies like Torque are simple, and are designed to stay that way. There's a hero, the heroes entourage and the villain and the villain's entourage. There were slim pickings for a likeable character in this movie. I eventually settled on Jaime Pressley's badly-acted-but-at-least-marginally-attractive crazy girlfriend of the villain. She had some interesting tattoos.
Ultimately, I thought Torque was pretty forgettable. Good action sequences, novel use of the reflective surface of a knife, but no substance and very little in the way of redeeming features. I mean, it ended on a Nickelback song.
-112/365 down, 253/265 to go
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The real meaning of Christmas-fountains of gore.
The Movie: Black Christmas, directed by Glen Morgan
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I'm interested in comparing and contrasting remakes with originals this year.
Slasher movies aren't exactly the height of the filmmaking art. I'll freely admit that. They're gory, the main characters are a specialized kind of stupid, the deaths are unbelievable and there just doesn't seem to be any sort of point. In an irregular cycle, the genre rises and falls in quality and popularity-the 80's saw a resurgence in slashers, which petered out after the Nightmare and Friday the 13th series' hit their third or fourth sequel. 1996 brought a revival when Wes Craven released his parody series, Scream. Back in the 'golden age' of slashers, the mid 70's, the original Black Christmas was released. It didn't make any friends, as it sort of dampened the holiday cheer.
Now, as we laud the era of the remake, that original blasphemous blight on everyone's favorite celebration of consumerism has been remade. The incestuous killer has a penchant for eyes and arterial spray, and the sorority he chooses to butcher is stupider than ever. His Final Girl isn't even really up to the task, as she's about as moronic as the rest of her friends, and only really survives the film by outrunning the rest of the herd. The usual wit and guile reserved for such a character is instead passed around from character to character, as though the sorority had to share a brain.
Not a lot to be said about the acting in the movie. It was boring and vaguely insulting. All of the lead actresses just looked bored, whether they were running, screaming or dying. My favorites got picked off, leaving their lackluster representative to face down with the killer in the final minutes. I know that slashers, and remakes, can be worse. I just wish some of them managed to be better.
-111/365 down, 254/365 to go
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I'm interested in comparing and contrasting remakes with originals this year.
Slasher movies aren't exactly the height of the filmmaking art. I'll freely admit that. They're gory, the main characters are a specialized kind of stupid, the deaths are unbelievable and there just doesn't seem to be any sort of point. In an irregular cycle, the genre rises and falls in quality and popularity-the 80's saw a resurgence in slashers, which petered out after the Nightmare and Friday the 13th series' hit their third or fourth sequel. 1996 brought a revival when Wes Craven released his parody series, Scream. Back in the 'golden age' of slashers, the mid 70's, the original Black Christmas was released. It didn't make any friends, as it sort of dampened the holiday cheer.
Now, as we laud the era of the remake, that original blasphemous blight on everyone's favorite celebration of consumerism has been remade. The incestuous killer has a penchant for eyes and arterial spray, and the sorority he chooses to butcher is stupider than ever. His Final Girl isn't even really up to the task, as she's about as moronic as the rest of her friends, and only really survives the film by outrunning the rest of the herd. The usual wit and guile reserved for such a character is instead passed around from character to character, as though the sorority had to share a brain.
Not a lot to be said about the acting in the movie. It was boring and vaguely insulting. All of the lead actresses just looked bored, whether they were running, screaming or dying. My favorites got picked off, leaving their lackluster representative to face down with the killer in the final minutes. I know that slashers, and remakes, can be worse. I just wish some of them managed to be better.
-111/365 down, 254/365 to go
I could've watched My Fair Lady.
The Movie: Employee of the Month, directed by Greg Coolidge
Recommendation: Dee
Reason: "I want to see a Dane Cook movie!"
Next time she wants to see a Dane Cook movie, we're watching Waiting again. At least Ryan Reynolds is funny sometimes. The combination of incredibly unfunny people in Employee of the Month utterly crippled what was promising to be a boring semi-comedy at best. Sure, at the beginning there were a few laughs, but they were predictable and not really big moments of hilarity.
Casting really pared away at the appeal of this movie. Jessica Simpson is...utterly vapid and completely pointless. I'm certain that a Realdoll could have turned in an equivalent performance, given how irrelevant her ability to speak seemed to be to the plot. Dane Cook was an incapable lead, unable to make his character convincing, or hit the comic timing necessary to at least make the guy funny. Andy Dick hasn't been funny since Newsradio, except as a punchline. Dax Shepherd was boring, and Efren Ramirez reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite, which made me want to repeatedly stab him.
What was left to be entertaining was quietly smothered by an awful script and very PG 'antics'. Screwball comedy needs to be let off the leash, or else it easily crosses from funny to boring as hell. Employee of the Month didn't see the line, and after it crossed, it didn't look back.
-110/365 down, 255/365 to go
Recommendation: Dee
Reason: "I want to see a Dane Cook movie!"
Next time she wants to see a Dane Cook movie, we're watching Waiting again. At least Ryan Reynolds is funny sometimes. The combination of incredibly unfunny people in Employee of the Month utterly crippled what was promising to be a boring semi-comedy at best. Sure, at the beginning there were a few laughs, but they were predictable and not really big moments of hilarity.
Casting really pared away at the appeal of this movie. Jessica Simpson is...utterly vapid and completely pointless. I'm certain that a Realdoll could have turned in an equivalent performance, given how irrelevant her ability to speak seemed to be to the plot. Dane Cook was an incapable lead, unable to make his character convincing, or hit the comic timing necessary to at least make the guy funny. Andy Dick hasn't been funny since Newsradio, except as a punchline. Dax Shepherd was boring, and Efren Ramirez reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite, which made me want to repeatedly stab him.
What was left to be entertaining was quietly smothered by an awful script and very PG 'antics'. Screwball comedy needs to be let off the leash, or else it easily crosses from funny to boring as hell. Employee of the Month didn't see the line, and after it crossed, it didn't look back.
-110/365 down, 255/365 to go
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Where is Devon Aoki actually from?
The Movie: 2 Fast 2 Furious, directed by John Singleton
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: Much was playing the movie, and I need to start catching up. :)
Just to lay some controversy to rest? Aoki's from New York. I've been trying to figure this out since D.E.B.S., since she was so godawful in that. I was under the assumption that she was in a similar situation to Milla Jovovich-a very lovely foreign woman who was 'imported' because she was hot and could speak marginal english. Never assume, I suppose is the lesson here. Regardless, she's just as bad an actress in 2 Fast 2 Furious as she was in D.E.B.S.. The only performance I've seen where she was any good was Sin City because she had no lines. Who fails to properly emote a shout of victory?
Vin Diesel had the opportunity to become a serious action star, back in the early part of the 2000's. He was in xXx, The Fast and the Furious and Pitch Black, all of which had his star shining. In a move considered bold by many and insane by a few (that's me right there) he chose not to continue with his two action franchises (xXx and The Fast and the Furious), bearing ahead with the sci-fi Pitch Black series instead. He abandoned what could have been a pretty cool car-chase franchise, and left us with Paul Walker. Walker's not interesting enough to power the plot, though his passion for street racing makes his character quite believable.
Thank god for Tyrese Gibson, I suppose. He was actually interesting in the movie, probably the high point of a film that was just another sequel. The car chases were pretty top notch. The stuntwork was pretty cool, and having taken a look at the imdb trivia page, I'm pretty impressed. Apparently a few of the crashes weren't choreographed, but they were so well done and the stuntmen emerged unharmed, so the crashes were kept. If you're going to watch this film, watch it for the car work. The rest just isn't as interesting.
-109/365 down, 256/365 to go
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: Much was playing the movie, and I need to start catching up. :)
Just to lay some controversy to rest? Aoki's from New York. I've been trying to figure this out since D.E.B.S., since she was so godawful in that. I was under the assumption that she was in a similar situation to Milla Jovovich-a very lovely foreign woman who was 'imported' because she was hot and could speak marginal english. Never assume, I suppose is the lesson here. Regardless, she's just as bad an actress in 2 Fast 2 Furious as she was in D.E.B.S.. The only performance I've seen where she was any good was Sin City because she had no lines. Who fails to properly emote a shout of victory?
Vin Diesel had the opportunity to become a serious action star, back in the early part of the 2000's. He was in xXx, The Fast and the Furious and Pitch Black, all of which had his star shining. In a move considered bold by many and insane by a few (that's me right there) he chose not to continue with his two action franchises (xXx and The Fast and the Furious), bearing ahead with the sci-fi Pitch Black series instead. He abandoned what could have been a pretty cool car-chase franchise, and left us with Paul Walker. Walker's not interesting enough to power the plot, though his passion for street racing makes his character quite believable.
Thank god for Tyrese Gibson, I suppose. He was actually interesting in the movie, probably the high point of a film that was just another sequel. The car chases were pretty top notch. The stuntwork was pretty cool, and having taken a look at the imdb trivia page, I'm pretty impressed. Apparently a few of the crashes weren't choreographed, but they were so well done and the stuntmen emerged unharmed, so the crashes were kept. If you're going to watch this film, watch it for the car work. The rest just isn't as interesting.
-109/365 down, 256/365 to go
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Arm yourself.
The Movie: Battle Royale, directed by Kinji Fukasaku
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I'd heard about the movie, read the book, and then got really hyped to see the movie.
I think all I need to hear is the word 'dystopia', and I'm sold on a plot. I might just be that kind of gullible, but I like to think it pays off. Battle Royale is set in a futuristic dystopian world where a broken-headed government has decreed that every year a Grade 9 class will be taken to a remote island and forced to murder one another. Last man standing gets to live. Though the book goes into more detail than the movie, the film stands up well.
I was really impressed-as soon as I turned on the preview, fresh out of reading the book, it was easy to identify most of the characters. Good casting is usually a sign of some really good potential in a movie. Once the film actually got underway, all signs pointed towards awesome. There were some differences, and I couldn't really see the reason for some of the changes that were made (in particular the 'if no one has died in 24 hours...' clause). Unusual for a movie based on a book, but the bits that were excised were appropriate and well chosen.
There were a few rough patches where the film turned unever, and there was some commentary that wasn't very clear. However, overall, Battle Royale stands up quite nicely to its literary counterpart. If I hadn't been warned away from the sequel, I'd definitely be looking to pick it up.
-108/365 down, 257/365 to go
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I'd heard about the movie, read the book, and then got really hyped to see the movie.
I think all I need to hear is the word 'dystopia', and I'm sold on a plot. I might just be that kind of gullible, but I like to think it pays off. Battle Royale is set in a futuristic dystopian world where a broken-headed government has decreed that every year a Grade 9 class will be taken to a remote island and forced to murder one another. Last man standing gets to live. Though the book goes into more detail than the movie, the film stands up well.
I was really impressed-as soon as I turned on the preview, fresh out of reading the book, it was easy to identify most of the characters. Good casting is usually a sign of some really good potential in a movie. Once the film actually got underway, all signs pointed towards awesome. There were some differences, and I couldn't really see the reason for some of the changes that were made (in particular the 'if no one has died in 24 hours...' clause). Unusual for a movie based on a book, but the bits that were excised were appropriate and well chosen.
There were a few rough patches where the film turned unever, and there was some commentary that wasn't very clear. However, overall, Battle Royale stands up quite nicely to its literary counterpart. If I hadn't been warned away from the sequel, I'd definitely be looking to pick it up.
-108/365 down, 257/365 to go
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Sex is a joke in heaven.
The Movie: The News Girl, directed by Jerome Tanner
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: First porn of the year!
Yes, gentle readers, I'm reviewing pornography. It's a movie, it's shot on film or in digital, and it sometimes has a plot, characters. It doesn't necessarily have acting. So yes. I've watched the first porn of the year all the way through, and it was pretty boring. Initially it was a sort of fun thing, as The News Girl is one of those self-aware pornos that tries to break the fourth wall and change up the repetitive annoyance that is 'bouncebouncebouncebounce, switch, try not to look bored, match up your bits" and so on.
There's a thin plot here that's a little meta-the main character is a reporter for not-the-Adult Video News, and she's ostensibly trying to figure out who's been killing pornstars. We first hear of this plot at the beginning of the movie, where it is left as the actors and actresses go about their business of 'doin' it'. There are actually some entertaining moments in the movie, including a brief little montage about the poor, poor stand-in guy.
I don't really know how to go about recommending porn. This one at least had some entertaining moments in it, in between the tedious sex scenes. And it wasn't too godawful to look at, despite the usual bad production values and 'actresses' reading lines off of teleprompters or really big markerboards offscreen.
-107/365 down, 258/365 to go
Recommendation: Nobody.
Reason: First porn of the year!
Yes, gentle readers, I'm reviewing pornography. It's a movie, it's shot on film or in digital, and it sometimes has a plot, characters. It doesn't necessarily have acting. So yes. I've watched the first porn of the year all the way through, and it was pretty boring. Initially it was a sort of fun thing, as The News Girl is one of those self-aware pornos that tries to break the fourth wall and change up the repetitive annoyance that is 'bouncebouncebouncebounce, switch, try not to look bored, match up your bits" and so on.
There's a thin plot here that's a little meta-the main character is a reporter for not-the-Adult Video News, and she's ostensibly trying to figure out who's been killing pornstars. We first hear of this plot at the beginning of the movie, where it is left as the actors and actresses go about their business of 'doin' it'. There are actually some entertaining moments in the movie, including a brief little montage about the poor, poor stand-in guy.
I don't really know how to go about recommending porn. This one at least had some entertaining moments in it, in between the tedious sex scenes. And it wasn't too godawful to look at, despite the usual bad production values and 'actresses' reading lines off of teleprompters or really big markerboards offscreen.
-107/365 down, 258/365 to go
Friday, May 4, 2007
Suburbs, hell, yada yada. We've been here before.
The Movie: Disturbia, directed by D.J. Caruso
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I recognized the movie as a more current take on Rear Window. Haven't seen that yet, but I wanted to see how it'd go as an update.
Remakes are a touchy subject across the board in the arts. Generally, they utterly fail to recapture the magic (however minimal) of the original. Sometimes, they distance themselves completely from the original film, becoming so different that the connection to the first is tenuous at best. I have a suspicion that Disturbia falls under the latter category, and so I can't wait to see Rear Window. Despite the title, the themes of Disturbia don't necessarily require that the story be undertaken in the suburbs. Paranoia, helplessness, investigation...all of that could take place at any two windows within eyesight of each other.
It's fairly easy on film to create a mood of tension and claustrophobia. Close-in shots from head-level angles can give an uncomfortably voyeuristic feel. Disturbia uses these techniques consistently and well, with very well-done sequence in a parking lot that really did make me uncomfortable. There are a few jump shocks, a few of what I like to call 'chameleon moments', and overall I felt the movie had a good flow to it.
Shia LeBoeuf is certainly capable as an actor, and here he proves it again with a good, solid performance in the lead. He carries the role quite well, and plays off of his costars to good effect. David Morse, veteran of 'creepy guy' roles, was equally solid. I really liked the relative newcomer Sarah Roemer, though. I think she might have some potential to really go places.
-106/365 down, 259/365 to go
Recommendation: Me!
Reason: I recognized the movie as a more current take on Rear Window. Haven't seen that yet, but I wanted to see how it'd go as an update.
Remakes are a touchy subject across the board in the arts. Generally, they utterly fail to recapture the magic (however minimal) of the original. Sometimes, they distance themselves completely from the original film, becoming so different that the connection to the first is tenuous at best. I have a suspicion that Disturbia falls under the latter category, and so I can't wait to see Rear Window. Despite the title, the themes of Disturbia don't necessarily require that the story be undertaken in the suburbs. Paranoia, helplessness, investigation...all of that could take place at any two windows within eyesight of each other.
It's fairly easy on film to create a mood of tension and claustrophobia. Close-in shots from head-level angles can give an uncomfortably voyeuristic feel. Disturbia uses these techniques consistently and well, with very well-done sequence in a parking lot that really did make me uncomfortable. There are a few jump shocks, a few of what I like to call 'chameleon moments', and overall I felt the movie had a good flow to it.
Shia LeBoeuf is certainly capable as an actor, and here he proves it again with a good, solid performance in the lead. He carries the role quite well, and plays off of his costars to good effect. David Morse, veteran of 'creepy guy' roles, was equally solid. I really liked the relative newcomer Sarah Roemer, though. I think she might have some potential to really go places.
-106/365 down, 259/365 to go
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Dispatch from Canuckistan
The Movie: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, directed by Larry Charles
Recommendation: No one. So, me!
Reason: I saw Jon Stewart's report on Borat's press conference to promote the movie. I was intrigued.
People from foreign parts are a little odd. That's sort of how most people in Canada and the US think. I'm sure it's the same everywhere. We chat about little foibles and interesting tidbits we've learned about our neighbors and friends around the world, and we hopefully learn about their culture. Some people are xenophobic, scared and angry at the 'foreigners'. And some...some are just easily duped by anyone who seems guileless and has a funny accent. Borat's a movie about all of those people.
I think the best word to describe the film is subversive. It's got blatant shock value (Oh god the wrestling scene is going to haunt me forever), it's got some absurdly anti-semitic, sexist and racist humor, and as you're watching it's hard not to think 'should I be laughing here?'. If you can get past whatever issue you might have with some of the content, I think Sacha Baron Cohen's character has some very enlightening experiences to share. How far can he push people? What can he get them to say or do, just because of what he says he is? It's a little scary, and it's also a bit gonzo.
When it comes down to it, the movie was funny. It's even funny when you stop to think about some of the things Borat and the people around him are saying and doing. And when you consider how hard Sacha Baron Cohen had to work to remain in character and on-game during some of those scenes...this is a worthwhile movie to watch. Just be prepared for the gross stuff.
-105/365 down, 260/365 to go
Recommendation: No one. So, me!
Reason: I saw Jon Stewart's report on Borat's press conference to promote the movie. I was intrigued.
People from foreign parts are a little odd. That's sort of how most people in Canada and the US think. I'm sure it's the same everywhere. We chat about little foibles and interesting tidbits we've learned about our neighbors and friends around the world, and we hopefully learn about their culture. Some people are xenophobic, scared and angry at the 'foreigners'. And some...some are just easily duped by anyone who seems guileless and has a funny accent. Borat's a movie about all of those people.
I think the best word to describe the film is subversive. It's got blatant shock value (Oh god the wrestling scene is going to haunt me forever), it's got some absurdly anti-semitic, sexist and racist humor, and as you're watching it's hard not to think 'should I be laughing here?'. If you can get past whatever issue you might have with some of the content, I think Sacha Baron Cohen's character has some very enlightening experiences to share. How far can he push people? What can he get them to say or do, just because of what he says he is? It's a little scary, and it's also a bit gonzo.
When it comes down to it, the movie was funny. It's even funny when you stop to think about some of the things Borat and the people around him are saying and doing. And when you consider how hard Sacha Baron Cohen had to work to remain in character and on-game during some of those scenes...this is a worthwhile movie to watch. Just be prepared for the gross stuff.
-105/365 down, 260/365 to go
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Uplifting Christmas movies make Gwen something something...
The Movie: It's a Wonderful Life, directed by Frank Capra
Recommendation: AFI Top 100
Reason: It seems like everyone but me watches It's a Wonderful Life every Christmas time. My family watch A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation...I wonder if I should have come clean about that...
Maybe I'm just not in a Christmas mood because it's May. I...didn't really swoon over this movie the way some people do. We'll chalk it up to being all modern and jaded today-I've been reading Battle Royale, so the mood wasn't exactly set for an uplifting experience.
Jimmy Stewart was likeable as the lead character, which just compounded my urges for sickle-style revenge (Battle Royale again, sorry everyone) against everyone who took advantage of him. I mean, it just seems like the guy's entire purpose is to get kicked around by life and everyone around him. And they all have the gall to look shocked when the poor guy snaps? I really did feel badly for him, so at the very least, the film succeeded on that level.
I guess I just wasn't in the mood for it tonight, but I would welcome the possibility of seeing the movie again, in a more appropriate setting. Not a fond holiday memory, but a good film nonetheless.
-104/365 down, 261/365 to go
Recommendation: AFI Top 100
Reason: It seems like everyone but me watches It's a Wonderful Life every Christmas time. My family watch A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation...I wonder if I should have come clean about that...
Maybe I'm just not in a Christmas mood because it's May. I...didn't really swoon over this movie the way some people do. We'll chalk it up to being all modern and jaded today-I've been reading Battle Royale, so the mood wasn't exactly set for an uplifting experience.
Jimmy Stewart was likeable as the lead character, which just compounded my urges for sickle-style revenge (Battle Royale again, sorry everyone) against everyone who took advantage of him. I mean, it just seems like the guy's entire purpose is to get kicked around by life and everyone around him. And they all have the gall to look shocked when the poor guy snaps? I really did feel badly for him, so at the very least, the film succeeded on that level.
I guess I just wasn't in the mood for it tonight, but I would welcome the possibility of seeing the movie again, in a more appropriate setting. Not a fond holiday memory, but a good film nonetheless.
-104/365 down, 261/365 to go
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
